2018; Year of Distraught and Development

This year had me going through one storm after another. But of course, I've also seen some sheer rainbows and psychic moments along this dusty adventure. Now I want to admire my optimism for awhile *internal laughter*. 

Okay but jokes aside, if I could try my best to express myself right now, it would be complicated. I felt like I've let out so much blood, sweat and tears in 2018. For both good and bad reasons. 

These are some "not-so-good" highlights of the year:

•  Losing 4-5 friends and mates, inevitably 
•  Crying a total of 4 times, all for the sport I committed to  
•  Weird, uncountable hormones getting their free leeway to wee wee up many times
•  Hitting a mere roadblock, not literally 

Now that I've listed down some unfortunate things that happened in a span of ~363 days, I am going to contra-highlight these pointers by inputting some words of wisdom. Meaning to say, this young lady here is going to outweigh this loss aversion by something remarkably insightful. 

•  Losing some friends and mates, inevitably 

For both intentional and unintentional reasons. I wouldn't want to go too much into details onto this. Because we all know how it is like to lose some people as parts and parcel of growing up (toxic to us or not). It is similar to excreting out metabolic waste from an organism. Except I wouldn't want to actually compare people to faeces. (Oh did I?)

All I I could say is, forgive the ones who hurt you. They have a struggles of their own. A TEDx Talk by Sarah Montana elaborated thoroughly on this whole idea of forgiveness. How we are figuratively chained to the people who have hurt us. We definitely don't want to bring them down into our tombstones, do we? To the people whom I used to interact with, thank you, next next. 

The action of this quote: 'today I am letting go of what is no longer serving me well, and create room for future opportunities', was put into play. Getting pinned down from people of the past have not stopped me to forge new bonds with others. I have met numerous buddies out there who are equally as passionate as me. While also figuring out who were there for me throughout my trying times. So much love for y'all! 💕

•  Crying a total of 4 times, all for the sport I committed to for 1.5 years

One does not know how mentally strong he is, until he sees how far he has come and endured since day 1. Personally, I feel like I deserve a cookie for sticking through a group of people for long. There were times I felt like I was "specially" picked out, misunderstood and taken granted for.

However, these dynamism of people have also taught me the importance of the power of cohesion (even if we're on acquaintance level), and having the will to fight on as one, ironically.

Additionally, I kick-started my very first gym lifestyle. Each progressive change on what my body does, where it goes, enthralled me. Till this day, I have learned so much more about myself through the Mind-Muscle Connection (MMC). How much I can take, what brings me balance, and programmes that make my workouts more effective. Not to forget, I've garnered more confidence and discipline within myself.

image Source: Credits 

•  Weird hormones getting their free leeway to wee wee up countless of times

Too much Adrenocorticotropic hormones in-store, I guess. As if crying umpteen of times was an indication of letting out for me. 

Figured a continuous lack of sleep, bad dieting and staying in a confined space for long make me feel more negative towards people and situations. 

Such encounters have pushed me to plan my time better. Be conscious of what I eat. Watching soothing videos and hearing sounds of 415 frequency hertz helps too. The resolution is solely to each their own, via biological, plus action and reaction means.

Image Source: Credits

•  Hitting a mere roadblock, not literally 

An accumulation of self-limiting beliefs, the downright low words from naysayers, and the general spaces I was in had made me overwhelmed by agony. To be honest. I have probably stooped my standards so shallow, till a point I was easily suppressed and taken aback. Hence, I want to say I am not going to let this happen again in 2019. 

Here are words for others who might be going to a similar journey as me... do not ever let words like "young, old, inexperienced, arrogant, stubborn, stupid, insufficient, not serious, naive, straightforward etc. etc." get to you. At the end of the day, you know yourself better than the rest. Just keep striving for your goals, count your blessings and do something (even if it is small) each day your future self will appreciate you for. 

I gathered that it is okay to lose motivation along the way, so long as I find means to combat it. 2018 made me pick up books of genre I least expected to read (eg. business, sustainability, education on intellectual disabilities). 

I can easily say I am on track with my original goals - to try out stuffs behind-the-scenes, combine welfare and arts together. Proud to be here amidst the storm, really. But somehow I envisioned myself to keep upgrading, and keep asking questions. Guess I have to unravel and plan a new set of future ambitions. Factoring in other important people like family, friends and a partner. I also came upon this realization that a theatrical setting is not ideal for me. I find myself gravitating towards design and an office setting more, where I find my kind of productivity. 

This led me to explore more options in a wide field of specializations. Grateful to have discussed such matters with a myriad of colorful people, adults and youths alike.

Image Source: Credits 

To wrap up, I will be willingly dismissing 2018, while still taking bits of its memories that nurtured me. Bring it on, 2019.

Here's to a big thumbs up to y'all for sticking through till the end! X