Letter to My Teenage Self

As I'm turning 20, and finally getting out of my ~teens this year, I would like to specially dedicate this letter to myself, and for all readers out there.

Dear Calista Mar in her teenage years,

I am your future self writing this, still as passionate in writing blog-posts as before, except not so frequently anymore.

Firstly, I would like to warn you that the journey you'll go through is going to be hell of a ride. You are likened to face a lot of changes, people, self question marks and discomfort. But I can assure you that these things will make you more sure of who you want to become.

You'll go through a path where you feel lonely. Maybe some days you might need to rethink the people who came into your life. Maybe you need more me-time to yourself, it is completely understandable. People of various background(s) may deliberately hurt you. Amidst your fullness, it might somewhat feel like your peace has been taken away. But please bear in mind that this is temporary - how you response to them is entirely in you power and it is your responsibility. You can choose to react to what is seemingly directed at you, or just laugh and shove it off, knowing in all righteousness, that their opinions are not going to matter long-term.

There are people questioning your life decisions? Great, thank them for poking their nose into your matters. You see, I am surprised by the fact that they have so much time discussing and giving opinions about other people, when they can perhaps, use it on some books or videos to improve their own skills. While encountering such figures in you life, just know that you are driving your own vehicle to go to a destination you know will be breathtaking. To put it shortly: be your own clarity to reach your goals. 

You will need lots of tenacity to fight for who you want to become. There will be roadblocks, hurtful and shitty days. Maybe a little too many because you are raging at this phase. I believe you will earn a little title to yourself, called "warrior" at the end of 19 years.

You will soon realized that adults are as flawed as you. Sometimes the words they say may be unintentional and somewhat in a spur-of-the-moment. Please don't take them too seriously.

There will be some older people whom you look up to, only to see them (in some way), lead you to a huge disappointment. The takeaway? You learn what to be and what not to be when you grow up, while also reevaluating your own principles.

You have a gift of experiencing the things you have never felt before during childhood. The beautiful thing about adolescence is that it brings a holistic approach to your self-development. You are free to expand your mind; activate the various cortices of your brain, and awake places that were sleeping before. Pick up new jobs, play sports, go to the gym, write poems, go on a nature trail, learn about spirituality, understand love songs and their lyrics behind, meet and get acquainted to people... the list goes on.  

Because there are tons of activities you can embark on, you will need to do some prioritizing. I am pretty sure you are at a age where you want to try almost everything, it is okay to be ambitious. However, please do not forget to reignite that spark within you; many a times we get too carried away by what we lack, that we forget to appreciate what we already have. It is not just your weaknesses, but even your strengths can be upgraded too. That's what I call "to become the best version of yourself". 

You may despise small talk. But after a while, you learn that they are a foundation to even richer, higher-level conversations. After all, there's a potential from a "how are you" to "how is it working as a ____", to "what do you think of *inserts a societal statement or something*" right? The answers will obviously be lengthened. 

Lastly, before this post gets long, I would like to end off with timing. This world is not rotating in an "all sizes fit one" dynamics.  Sometimes Murphy's Law* apply. 

Facing your triumphs now, may not mean more successes later, you still need to adapt to economical changes and advancements. Same goes to facing your misfortunes, it does not mean you will not see rainbows later, maybe the force is expecting you to realize something valuable. 

That being said, you need to learn to be flexible with changes. 

Good luck, and all the best! 

Sign offs, 

Future Self