Unraveling the Complications of Love
Disclaimer: Sta is no love advisor, guru, or professional. This post is more so a reflection of what she knows, and learned overtime!
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Embrace thyself
To love is to surmount all imperfections.
Some days we might give (show) love more, some days lesser.
Either way, love is love.
Whether it is the furry creature we see down the streets, or the way we admire part of ourselves in front of the mirror. Whether we want attention from the person whom we respect and care about the most, or the way we groove towards the music (not giving much f*cks). Whether we think a person practices true to his values and intentions, or us striving to be a better person each day.
The magic works if we don't stop trying: be it in ourselves, or the beings whom we shower love upon.
Loving itself is hell of a ride. There are times we feel at peace, but there are also times we doubt and over contemplate. Accept that these thoughts come naturally.
After all, life is short. We could choose to mull over things that are inevitable, or change our outlook. Building the life we want through sheer determination. There's going to be sacrifices. But through these sacrifices do we obtain new gains.
To love itself is a lesson to learn on its own. Some of us may not receive it genuinely and wholeheartedly when we were young. We are accustomed to how the adults treat us at home. Soon as we grow older, we tend to subconsciously mirror the words and actions upon those we deemed as "to love and care about" when we are detrimental and hurting to our counterparts.
Love is simple, easy to feel, but yet hard to maintain at times. We are all selfish & egoistic by nature. How are emotions involved? When we think about something, and associate ourselves to it. Love on the other side, is considered pure. Like how a newborn looks wide-eyed at his/her own parent(s). Or our general instinct to lend someone a helping hand when we think they need it the most without wanting any appreciation, just following what we believe the world needs.
One great advice for couples dating is: to consider taking a step back, trusting the process, living in the moment, and forging good memories. If it is meant to be, then congrats, lucky for us to find who we want to spend our remaining lives with, as a unit.
We tend to have this misconception about how our partner belongs to us and only us in a committed relationship. Factually, it is not true. Just like us, our partners have family members whom they grow up with, for the most part of their lives, and friends (regardless of gender or age) that probably played a vital part for them than we do. This may have sounded harsh but it's really not, if we think about how they arrive at their HAPPINESS... which is US. They probably got influenced from their prior encounters with their love-ones. Funny how some traits we have are also displayed by people our partners adore. So count it as 'us' being the answer to what they want in the equation X:
Afraid that our partners may not keep choosing us? There is a quote saying:
"If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, it is meant to be; if it doesn't it never was."
It goes both ways actually. Some days they give 100%, some days we give 100%, some days 50-50, and even 20-80. The period where we date is the time we test waters, nothing is certain in the grand scheme. So at best, we could tuck the inner-child that shows self-pity to sleep, and eliminate unwanted drama on being insecure or not being "good enough". We, ourselves, as an entity, on our own, is sufficient. What is confidence? It is to embrace our own set of principles, aspirations and motivation to look good, feel good with an open mind and heart. A growth that starts from within.
Afraid that our partners may not keep choosing us? There is a quote saying:
"If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, it is meant to be; if it doesn't it never was."
It goes both ways actually. Some days they give 100%, some days we give 100%, some days 50-50, and even 20-80. The period where we date is the time we test waters, nothing is certain in the grand scheme. So at best, we could tuck the inner-child that shows self-pity to sleep, and eliminate unwanted drama on being insecure or not being "good enough". We, ourselves, as an entity, on our own, is sufficient. What is confidence? It is to embrace our own set of principles, aspirations and motivation to look good, feel good with an open mind and heart. A growth that starts from within.
Wherein it is a bonus to find someone we can rely and share our feelings towards, leading to forming a covalent bond for the decades to come.
The underlying core values behind a healthy relationship, just like any other kinship or friendship, are communication, respect, trust and faithfulness. These terms alone are self-explanatory. However, to touch a bit on them, lets start with...
Communication, putting upfront what we like and don't like. This could simply build up from food, fashion taste and slowly, to our viewpoints on social issues, to what we like in bed (*sly devilish smile*, if you are a sexually-driven person, that is).
Respect, since a relationship is about TWO person coming together. Our frequencies may not be the exact same in the beginning, and at some points. There is a need for constant listening and acceptance. We may not entirely agree on certain aspects of their way of life, but showing a sense of fondness and maturity is a winner. Our partners will thank us for being there to witness what they express (be it in words or actions). We often talk more about ourselves, rather than to sit down and hear what our partners actually have to say. This applies to non-relationship situations too, to be honest. Ask more questions, besides saying words within our limitation of facts & knowledge (meaning to not give opinions or solutions fast).
Trust, that is to be established overtime, in a gradual fashion. Trying to prove each day that we are into this commitment, be it through sunny or cloudy days. Giving our partners autonomy to talk to whoever they want, bearing in mind that the truth will always be out someday if they let us down. Provided we too, know where our own boundaries with people are. This boils down to communication again, where we openly share who we are interacting with without needing to hide anything, anyone whatsoever.
Faithfulness, which is intangible by nature. It is more about placing trust and confidence on something, or someone by definition. Needless to explain, if we have faith in someone, we expect them to not hurt us terribly, in a heart and soul-wrenching manner. Vice-versa.
Before this post gets extremely long-winded, let Sta end it off with what her mom always preaches to her in Burmese (direct translation):
"Wherever you are, live well in it. Whatever clothes you have, wear them with pride. Whichever food there is available, be grateful."
Following suit is whichever company we have, so long as it is not toxic, then have a good time, because our days are numbered. That Earthlings, is a valuable ingredient to living as a whole. Maybe partially explains why some Burmese relatives I know are simple & happy people.
The underlying core values behind a healthy relationship, just like any other kinship or friendship, are communication, respect, trust and faithfulness. These terms alone are self-explanatory. However, to touch a bit on them, lets start with...
Communication, putting upfront what we like and don't like. This could simply build up from food, fashion taste and slowly, to our viewpoints on social issues, to what we like in bed (*sly devilish smile*, if you are a sexually-driven person, that is).
Respect, since a relationship is about TWO person coming together. Our frequencies may not be the exact same in the beginning, and at some points. There is a need for constant listening and acceptance. We may not entirely agree on certain aspects of their way of life, but showing a sense of fondness and maturity is a winner. Our partners will thank us for being there to witness what they express (be it in words or actions). We often talk more about ourselves, rather than to sit down and hear what our partners actually have to say. This applies to non-relationship situations too, to be honest. Ask more questions, besides saying words within our limitation of facts & knowledge (meaning to not give opinions or solutions fast).
Trust, that is to be established overtime, in a gradual fashion. Trying to prove each day that we are into this commitment, be it through sunny or cloudy days. Giving our partners autonomy to talk to whoever they want, bearing in mind that the truth will always be out someday if they let us down. Provided we too, know where our own boundaries with people are. This boils down to communication again, where we openly share who we are interacting with without needing to hide anything, anyone whatsoever.
Faithfulness, which is intangible by nature. It is more about placing trust and confidence on something, or someone by definition. Needless to explain, if we have faith in someone, we expect them to not hurt us terribly, in a heart and soul-wrenching manner. Vice-versa.
Before this post gets extremely long-winded, let Sta end it off with what her mom always preaches to her in Burmese (direct translation):
"Wherever you are, live well in it. Whatever clothes you have, wear them with pride. Whichever food there is available, be grateful."
Following suit is whichever company we have, so long as it is not toxic, then have a good time, because our days are numbered. That Earthlings, is a valuable ingredient to living as a whole. Maybe partially explains why some Burmese relatives I know are simple & happy people.
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